Seriously!!! BOYS!!

As I watched one of my Kindergarteners on Friday play with his friends at Western day at school, I was amused to see him paying special attention to one sweet little girl in particular. Now Cole has mentioned her (whose name I will not say) to me before and told me that he thought she was pretty, but I realized on Friday, that she seems to feel drawn towards Cole also. It was so cute watching them run and play together, the innocence of their crush was so sweet and fun to watch. No worries, no cares, no pressures from society.. just running and playing together as friends do. The thoughts of that day had stayed with me and I was still caught up in the bliss of my children's innocence, when Cayden (Cole's twin brother) decided to completely shatter any and all happy thoughts that I was having. Yes, as the visions of Cole and his new-found friend floated through my head, with angelic choirs singing in the background.... I made the horrific mistake of asking my other 6 year old son about his interests at school! :) I turned to Cayden and said, "Cayden, are there any pretty girls in your class?" Now knowing Cayden's personality, I did not expect for him to divulge any earth shattering information to me, I thought I knew exactly what he would do, which was to let his ego swell and look at me with that annoyed, defiant look and simply gross out! I could not have been more wrong! His answer was in fact, earth shattering for me! As this sweet little 6 year old boy slowly, while rolling his big, beautiful blue eyes, turned to look at me, he said, "Mom," (with that "oh my gosh, I can't believe you would think I had a crush on a girl in my class!" tone in his voice), "I like big girls, with makeup and boobies."
.......and there you have it, the nine words that came out of my 6 year old son's mouth that brought all of my glorious thoughts of the "innocence of youth" to a screaming, screeching halt!
When I finally was able to pick my jaw up off the floor, my breath had eluded me, I could not focus, or breathe - I'm pretty sure I had to talk myself back into consciousness! I had no words.... I searched and searched for a way to ward off the laughter that was welling up inside of me, but I could no longer fight it. As much as I wanted to despise the sexist comment that came right out of my 6 year old's mouth, I could not do it!

Right then and there it was confirmed for me: they are all literally born this way! There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change that about him, (and in all actuality, I guess I do not want to change that about him). At that moment, it just erupted; the laughter was unstoppable, I could not stop. I laughed until I cried, literally, and of course he began to laugh hysterically too, knowing that he had been funny - which is all he really cares about anyway. :)
Yes folks, there you have it! I have now contributed to the one thing that, as women, we sometimes loath, and that is the nature of men...boys even! I sincerely offer my apologies to the Future Mrs Cayden Wilson, because as his mother, I failed to control myself at that moment. Now, and forever he will believe that it is ok (even funny!) to look at pretty girls with make-up on and boobies!!!
As for my short-lived moments of bliss, where for just a few hours I basked in the joys of the "innocence of youth".... it is gone now... can we all have a moment of silence for this "idea" that once lived in my heart....
Thank you, and to all the girls out there that are about the age of 6, remember - God loves you, stay true to who you are, and PLEASE COVER UP THOSE BOOBIES when you get them!!! :D
I'm out! :D

The Wind Beneath My Wings...

I'm guessing that the "pondering" that I have been doing this morning is a residual effect of the last few weeks, where I have been having a real "heart transplant", so to speak... So as I'm re-evaluating my life as a follower of Christ, a mother, a wife, a friend...well, you get the idea; it would be impossible not to look at the influence of my parents in my life. I was very blessed to have the mom and dad that I had, and like most people, you never truely appreciate them until you become a parent yourself, right? :) But yesterday Kennedy had a very special date with her daddy, so we went shopping for the perfect dress with her great-grandma and she bought her the outfit, then I fixed her hair "wavy like Taylor Swift's" just as the princess requested, painted her finger-nails and toe-nails, and made sure that everything was perfect for this special night with her amazing dad. She is a major "daddy's girl" and I love that, I want to help nurture that relationship more than anything. Maybe it's because I had such a great father and I want my daughter to experience the same things - because I know how that relationship impacts one's entire life. Either way, there I was scurrying about, getting all the details together and making sure that HE was truely her "Knight in shinning armor" last night, and it got me thinking.... I learned this from somewhere....
I grew up part of my life in Louisiana, then we moved to Texas when I was 9. My dad was a pastor of three different churches over the course of my life, and it was truely his calling, he loved to love people and he loved for people to love him! I've never met a man like him. Then there was my mom.... wow, where to start about her... There's never a time in my memory that she was not there, every memory I have, every detail of my life - even to this very day - she has been there. No, she was not usually the center of attention (that literally makes her ill :), she was never in the spotlight like my dad, so to speak. She was not full of demands, requests, or any form or egocentric behavior at all. And though she was not in the spotlight, she always shone. She was always right there, in the background of my dad's ministry, making sure all the "little things" were taken care of, because everyone knows that a few little things go un-noticed until someone does not do them, then they become very big things! :) But there she was - everywhere my dad was and it was not until recently that I realized something: she was the reason that the rest of us succeeded at the little things, but she was also the reason that we were successful at the big things in our lives. All of us, from my dad on down to myself and my sister and brother. Yet, she never sought out the glory or the credit, she just quietly orchestrated our symphony, and most of the time, without any recognition for the beautiful work and scenarios that she had created for us and with us.
She made sure we sat down at our dinner table every night as a family and had a homecooked meal. She made sure we lived in a well-kept home, it was never extravagant or expensive, but it was always beautifully decorated and tidy, I was never embarrased to bring anyone to my home. And as I experienced last night, even the things in my life that I always thought were someone else's wonderful doings, now I can look back and see that she was in the background there also! What an amazing woman - I always joke that I must think I'm Superwoman because I always have about ten irons in the fire, but in my case, about eight out of ten usually get dropped into the fire and burn to a crisp! Lol! :D
But not her. No, she did it all and I never remember her failing at anything - nothing in my childhood was ever chaotic or unorganized. Everything was neat and taken care of... it was always her.
I would love to say that I inherited all of these talents from her.... but if you know me or have ever been to my house you know that it is not usually tidy, it is very often chaotic and Lord knows I do not always get everything taken care of in time or how it is supposed to be done. But last night, I saw my mom's reflection when I looked at myself in my minds eye.... as I stood there in the doorway and watched my precious little girl walk to the car with her daddy's arm tightly around her waist, I knew that this would be a night that she would never forget, it will impact every relationship she has with boys, then someday a man - what a high bar he has set for any guy who tries to grab her attention. As I stood there and watching them get into the truck and drive off I sighed, "aahh, success", then I saw it: I had orchestrated the whole thing. I saw the flyer about the dance and bought the tickets and then told Jimi about it (which he was very excited about and really wanted to make it special for her, so not to take anything away from him), but I realized that I had made that happen for them, and it brought me so much joy! That's when I saw my mother's reflection when looking at myself. Yes, that is the woman I want to be. Kennedy will always remember last night and sing her dad's praises, probably even to her own children someday, as I do with mine, and I am SO thrilled about that! That is my mom, and to this day, she will probably read this and want to crawl under a rock, because she does not seek praise or recognition - BUT, she also did not raise me to be unthankful and not share how wonderful people are, so... sorry mom! :)
Was she perfect? Absolutely not. Has she made mistakes? Well, of course. Shockingly enough, people love to put all your mistakes on display, while hiding the amazing, beautiful things about you. You know what she taught me about that? Keep serving others, keep loving others, let God handle the sticky stuff and you just move on and keep on living, because in the end, it is always better to be a servant, humble and kind to everyone. In her, I see the eyes of Jesus. In her, I see so much of the woman, mother, friend, wife.... that I desire to be. Thanks mom, I have a lot to learn and a long way to go to get there, but if I follow in your footsteps I know I will get there. Here's to you! The most unselfish, kind, loving, beautiful, Christ-centered woman I know! ...may I someday be the "wind beneath my children's and husband's wings" as you have been for all of us, all of our lives....

Wow.....So THAT'S love....

I've had the opportunity over tbe past couple of months to see life, love and most of all God from a different perspective. I grew up with a pretty good understanding of who and what God is and what it means to love Him.
What took me 30 years to understand is who I am and what it means to be loved by Him. Now, I'm no preacher, and if you read my blogs you know that I'm actually quite a spaz most of the time :) But something happened this past week that has me in a different place lately. 1 John 4:16 & 17 say "we know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God. To love, to be loved, God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. 17. This way, love has run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day - our standing in the world is identical with Christ's." Wow!
I have come to understand that my one and only purpose in life is to love, to be a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and a heart full of compassion for the hurting. I have some very dear friends who are facing a very hard time, a time where, chances are, one of them will not survive thru the next month. These are people who have been shunned from a church because of their imperfections. Some would like to call them choices, but let's be honest, we all make choices and some are the right choices and some are the wrong choices - we all make mistakes, so let's call it what it actually is - imperfection.
Here are the things I do not know: 1) the state of their souls, I do not know if they have ever accepted Christ. 2) I do not know how long they have left on this earth 3) I do not know how to minister to the hurt that they have faced in their lives - since childhood. 4) I do not know how to deal with the death that might come, and if it does, how will I help the one that is left thru that time. So many questions and such a complicated situation - in so many ways. So when I think about them and how I can help, what I can do for them - I feel lost, completely helpless. During my devotions, when I read this passage in my Message Bible from 1 John, I just thought that that must be my answer! I am not expected to know anything, what to do or what to say. I think of Moses, who never had any sort of training or any kind of schooling on speaking at all - he had to solely depend on God to speak thru him.... hmmmmm... what a concept right?!
So, with my new "revelation", here's what I do know now: 1) I do not need to know the answers 2) all I need to do is let the love of God, that resides in me, radiate out of me into my friends. His love is definitely powerful enough to face anything, in life or death. All of the things that seemed so important to me most of my life are now completely irrelevent! The ONLY thing that matters is if I am letting God love thru me - if I allow that to happen, then "His grace is sufficient" to take care of the rest. :)

Shoot! Where is that tiara!??!?

I am so frustrated! I have misplaced my tiara! ugh!
The last few weeks have been quite eventful, and as I sit today and think back I realize that, life is just not at all that I had planned for it to be by the time I was 31 years old! Growing up as a princess, I had a vision for my life... you know... the perfect "Ken" looking husband and of course after children I was still gorgeous with the Barbie body! I would have the two perfect kids, one boy and one girl of course; the little house with the white porch and two rocking chairs on it, where my husband and I would sit each evening sipping our coffee and talking about our days... Well, let me tell you, that is not at all what I have at 31 years old! I do have the dashing husband ;), and I have a nice house, it is very roomy, but most days it looks more like a tornado has come thru it instead of the two little well-behaved children I had in mind! I am lacking a little in the "Barbie" looks area, I must say. Where I once had a nice ripped 4-pack, I have what some would call a ahem, "road-map"; the beautiful shiny hair is usually a little more like the "I didn't have time to wash it this morning because the alarm clock went off 15 minutes late!" hair. Things on this Barbie have been rearranged and completely dislocated! The two adorable children I had in mind, are in reality, FOUR children, three of which completely make me insane! The twins, which you met a few blogs back, are constantly into something new, whether it is painting their room with their own dookie; or standing on their twin bads, facing one another and peeing on the other's bed across from them; painting my nightstand with my red fingernail polish or maybe even just wrestling all over the house breaking anything and everything in sight! Then I have the one little girl I dreamed of, except my little girl is an emotional roller-coaster! One minute things are great, the next I am having to talk her down off the ledge because the world has come to a tragic end! My oldest son is actually pretty normal (not sure how that happened!).
I have had time to ponder these things over the past few days because I had a small surgery on this "barbie" body of mine last week, while I'm thinking about it, since when did Princesses have to have surgery to remove things like small tumors? I must speak with someone on this matter, because I just cannot function in these conditions! At any rate, I have been required to rest. No cooking and cleaning constantly like normal; no laundry, showering the kids, getting them in bed, coaching the soccer team, buying the groceries, etc.. All of these things that I am so used to doing, I have not been allowed to do because of this surgery I had. So finally, after all this time, I am being treated like the Princess that I know I am; being waited on hand and foot by my amazing husband, someone else taking the kids to school, someone else cooking dinner, doing the laundry, coaching the soccer team, etc...
It is only then that it hit me: I do not like this "Princess life"! Sure it is nice every now and then to get to rest and let someone else handle the chaos, but for a long term thing, no way! I like being the one who cooks for my little family and hears all of the "I hate this", "this is so good mom", or even the occasional, "thank you for dinner mom"; yes, those are the moments that I miss right now. As for the house, I would love to have a house that was always in order, always clean, and the perfect little house that I always dreamed of having, but then, I would have to worry all the time about the kids messing it up, ruining some expensive throw or pillow. Could we truly LIVE in a house like that? Could we really have such amazing family time and memories in a house like that? I wonder if our memories would be as funny, if the twins ruined a $300 night stand as opposed to the $30 night stand that they did ruin, could I laugh as hard if I had all of the finer things in life at 31? I do not think so. I think it would be filled with much less joy and laughter if my life had actually turned out the way I always dreamed or imagined... I think God knew exactly what I needed...
So, at 31 years old, is life everything I had imagined as a little princess? Not even close! It is SO much more than I could have ever hoped or dreamed it would be!! ...now where did I put that tiara.... OH! There it is! Right at the bottom of the big pile of laundry! life is good!

What a rush!

Bitter-sweet couple of days, that's what I had this weekend! It all began with a wonderful date night with my husband and my best friend of all time! The date night started at the tattoo parlor (which I will explain in a little bit). From the tattoo parlor we proceeded to TGI Fridays, had dinner and then went home. The night was FULL a laughs, a few tears, and a whole lot of fun! A night that made me reflect on my life, so to speak, appreciate my friendships and wonderful family.
May 16, 2002 our lives were changed forever; we expected a change, just not the one we got. I was full-term in my first pregnancy, and went into labor. I had a very normal delivery and things seemed to be going great. After Kelsey Layne Wilson was born, they had to take her to drain her lungs because they thought she had swallowed some fluid on the way out. From there, the next 15 hours became a crazy whirlwind of doctors, specialist, nurses and everything you never hope to hear when you are experiencing your first pregnancy and birth. By the end of the day, she had gone from a perfectly healthy baby, born to my husband and I, to a septic, very sick little baby girl. Long story short, she passed away from Group B Strep. It was very shocking to my husband and I, and the entire family, but with the help of God, family and friends, we survived and came out with a stronger marriage and faith than ever before. This weekend would have been Kelsey's 8Th birthday, so I wanted to do something special for it. Earlier in the week, I had drawn a potential tattoo, remembering her; little did I know that I would be able to actually get it on her birthday weekend! Hence, the trip to the tattoo parlor with my best friend and husband. Now I know that to some people, tattoos are not their thing, but I tend to be a little artsy, and to us strange artsy people, they speak to us. Each tattoo tells a story and has a deep meaning; so to me, it had a very deep meaning and I wanted it, not where it would be hidden from everyone, but I wanted it out there, where I could see it all the time. After consulting with my husband (mainly to make sure he wouldn't be totally turned off by it :o) I decided to put it on my right forearm, so off we went to the tattoo parlor! It meant so much to me that my BFF could be there for it and of course, my husband, who has stood beside me through all my emotional meltdowns over my little girl, so I had the perfect company with me while getting my very special tattoo!
Friday night was spent with my two best friends, remembering/celebrating the life of my first-born little girl; then Saturday would prove to be just as emotional, just in a different way for me. Saturday night was my oldest son's first high school dance, first "real sort-of date" and all of the things that go along with that. I had the amazing privilege of escorting them to the dance and then picking them up at 11 p.m. when it was over. It was an emotional roller-coaster for me; when he came out dressed in his suit, I was so extremely proud because he looked drop-dead gorgeous! Between the pride and tears, I pulled myself together enough so that we could go get his date. We arrived at the home of his date, only to have the entire set of emotions to come overwhelming me again! When I saw the "couple" standing there, as teenage love does, gazing into each other's eyes with adoration, once again I realized that this was the first step to losing him to another woman. I was happy at the same time because, for the moment, he was in heaven standing there, holding her hand. I know his little heart was completely pumping out of his chest, and it was so neat and fun to see him in that condition!
Sunday, today, is what would have been Kelsey's actual birthday, so the morning began with a little heaviness in my heart. We got up as we usually did on Sunday mornings, when the kids woke us up and began our normal routine. I had this battle going on in my mind, "What should I do? Do I talk about her, do I cry, do I laugh, or do I just pretend it is just another normal day?" You do not want to be that mother that everyone avoids because it is all you talk about and it is uncomfortable for everyone; but you also feel the guilt when you do not address it; and honestly you want to address it, you are just not sure how! It is a very conflicting place to be. I chose to go on about the day as normal, and hold in all the tears and racing emotions that were going on inside my mind and heart today. I plastered on that smile that you would think everyone would see through, but they do not - maybe because they choose not to, or maybe because they truly do not see through my plastic smiles. Either way, I slid by without any questions. Everyone noticed my tattoo though and they knew the meaning behind it. It is one of those situations that goes without saying, they feel bad for you, but do not know what to say - and I understand that.
Through all of the emotions of this weekend, it felt a bit surreal for me. On one hand mourning the loss of my baby; and on the other hand celebrating the "growing up" of on of my kids. I guess what they say about parenthood is very true! It is a cyclone of emotions and it never ends. From the excitement of new life, to worry of loss; then excitement of growing up, to the fear of decisions that they could make that will alter their future... It never ends and I am loving every minute of excitement and laughter, and everything in between! Motherhood is fun... it is the most physically and emotionally exhausting thing you will ever do, but the moments of pure joy make it all worth it!

In The Beginning...

The Twins
When Cayden and Cole burst into our lives, they were truly an adventure on a daily basis! We should have known from the beginning, that we were in for it with these two guys! First rattle out of the box, before their first birthdays, we were in the ER for stitches in Cole's eyelid! Where, of course, it was so close to his eye that they could not numb it. He was so strong that it took Jimi, me, 3 nurses and the doctor to hold him down so that they could put the stitches in! Then Cayden had me calling Poison Control just about on a daily basis; he drank everything from my Biosilk Silk Therapy to half a bottle of Motrin, to the spray bleach and the Destine Cream! I kept waiting for Poison Control to know me by name! Then came the day that we fondly refer to as the "poop day"!
A little background: Jimi and I, at the time, were leading the Sunday School department at the church we were members at. On this particular day, we had a training day for all of our teachers that would be teaching the wonderful children of our church. This training was one that I was going to be doing, so as fate would have it, when one of the twins started running a fever, Jimi decided to stay at home with them while I went to the training. They were young, but I was not worried, Jimi was an amazing and patient daddy, or so I thought! I am laughing already just thinking of what comes next in this story! As I am in the middle of teaching 35 Sunday School teachers about showing "the love of Jesus to these children", my cell phone began to ring. I glanced over and saw that it was Jimi calling, I explained to the teachers that I better get it, because he would not call me unless it was important. I answered the phone, standing there in front of all of these wonderful Christian women and men and asked Jimi what was going on, his response was priceless! There I am, at the front of the room, talking to my husband on the phone in a silent room, here is what I heard on the other end: "I'll tell you what I'm doing! I'm cleaning up sh*t! There's sh*t all over this room and all over the boys!" So as I'm praying that no one in the room can hear what is coming out of my husband's mouth, and trying to grin and bear it (so to speak), he is just ranting about all of the poop he is having to deal with! LOL! The boys had definitely spoiled their diapers, but then they decided to remove them from their bodies and "paint" the room with their feces! Needless to say, it was a MESS and Jimi was not a happy camper!
We laughed about that, and still laugh to this day about that time that he was cursing on the phone with me, while I stood IN my church in FRONT of all of our teachers that WE were supposed to be leading!! What irony!! ahhhh, God is full of grace for us, thankfully! :o) I'm pretty sure even HE laughed at us that day! Sometimes I think that we, the Wilson's, are God's little side show, put here for His entertainment! I am so glad He loves us no matter what! :o) Enjoy His love today!

Hello.... let me explain..

Diary of a Mad Diva....or mother of 4 is the title of my blog for a reason, let me introduce myself!
I am first and foremost a Diva - always! Pink is my favorite color and I love feather boas, diamonds, gaudy jewelry, make-up and anything and everything that glitters! I saw a quote the other day that I absolutely loved, it said "I'm so fabulous I cry diamonds and spit glitter" - love that! I am, by trade, a hairstylist (probably not a shock, at this point of the blog, right?) I love new styles, trends and fancy and edgy looks that come and go on a weekly basis it seems.
So, you must be wondering "why is she mad?" Well, in this case, "Mad" is used as an alternative to "crazy"! I'm not sure why I like that word better, but I guess that is the beauty of being crazy, people stop asking questions! What fun is life if you spend it following the status quot, and always doing the expected! I do have a great husband of nine years, he is a patient man, let me tell you, he is the best thing that ever happened to me!
Ah "mother"! Yes, I am a mother of four amazing, wonderful "full of spirit" children! Jordan is my oldest, he makes me proud just about every day, he is an awesome and very talented young man! Kennedy is 7 years old and she is FULL of drama and all kinds of daily excitement! Then we have Cayden and Cole, my 5 year old twin boys - of which, there are just no words to describe these two guys! It is a daily adventure at the Wilson home in our quiet little Texas neighborhood, we have a lot of smiles and laughs, some tears, some fits and sometimes even a little regret - but no matter what, love and compassion reigns here.
My kids give me a lot of material! I tell stories of the many really funny things they do; and I have used facebook a lot to spread the word about something funny that has happened, that is where the idea to actually blog all of the adventures that my children take me on! So, here it is... my blog! I hope you enjoy what you read and I hope I somehow bring a smile to your day! God Bless!