My last post was a little over three years ago - and my how things have changed since then! My kids are older, I am older and my life is different in so many ways, and still the same in many other ways... I have stayed busy with all of the things that moms stay busy doing, and my little family has continued to grow and truck right along in life.. there are so many things that I still question, so many answers that I still do not have, and yet, so much life has passed by. My twin boys, Cayden and Cole are about to start 4th grade in a couple of weeks, my daughter is starting her first year of middle school (Yikes!!), my oldest son is starting his second year of college, and Jamie (our oldest "bonus daughter") is finishing up the final steps to obtain her real estate license! Life is good, our home is full all the time and I love it.
I do have this deep aching in my soul, a lot of fear and worry with my beautiful, sweet, smart little girl starting this monster that we call middle school... I am scared of so many things, but I think the biggest, most emotional part is the fear that I will not be able to protect her as much, I will not be able to guide her as much - mainly because I know that sometime in the next year or so, I will be considered to be one of the dumbest humans on this earth by her, lol! She will reach that age that all kids reach, at some point in middle school. Sure she will still love me and adore me at times, but for the most part, she will become confident in her own opinions, her own thoughts on life and how she should live it, and then there is always that ugly, dirty word: "Boys" that will come into play at some point in the next couple of years. Am I ready? NO! Is she ready? Well, she believes that she is...
So I have been thinking, what are a few key points that I can give her on all of this that is about to occur? How do I make sure that she does not become the next cyber-victim? How do I make sure that she understands that boys that are her age are not going to love her, they are not going to "be there for her" when she needs a friend, that she needs to keep her girlfriends close and not allow boys in quite yet? How do I teach her about the dangers of going to friends houses to hang out, and to never leave her glass of soda sitting out in the open, because lord knows what might get dropped in it that will change her life forever; or how she can never ask for a Tylenol or Advil from anyone except us or the school nurse because it could be a drug that they give her; or how she cannot ever accept candy from friends at school, for the same reason? How do I tell her that a lot of people are evil and mean, and she needs to protect herself at all times against those types of people? Most importantly, how do I teach her about all of these dangers and evils out there without making her jaded toward the world around her?
Everything I learned as a middle school and high school kid, well they just do not apply anymore. The world has changed. I went to private school and was protected from so much of this, she goes to public (she would be in private, but financially it's not possible), so here we are... and where do I go from here?
My fears, I know, are stronger from the years of mentoring and guiding teenagers through ministry at church. I have sat endless hours with young ladies who have made that one bad judgment call, and Bam! their lives are never the same. For some, it was a split second decision, in a moment of weakness, to send that one boy that she trusted just one picture of herself, in a less than modest outfit, and then he (as they all do), shared it with all of his friends, and it eventually made it's rounds to the entire school = life altered. For others, it was that moment of weakness at a party, when she decided to "give in" and have a drink with her friends, followed by a long array of disastrous results landing her in a heap of trouble with her parents, school athletics, and all of the other consequences that come when you break the law. Then there are the ones who are just bullied by someone who is jealous, or just plain mean - but it hurts just the same... All of these fears overwhelm me and the answers that used to work, just do not work any more.
I have always heard a few cliché things about guiding a young teenager in the right direction... but when it is about MY daughter, those answers seem to fall short too..
One thing I have always heard: "Keep them involved in a church youth group". Well, if she is one of the kids who does make a mistake, or falls publicly - is that really what I want for her? The deepest pain I have ever felt in my life has been from the ugly, vile judgment of my "church friends" and "church groups", whether directed at me or someone in my family; so if I could peer into her future and be certain that she will never fall or make a big mistake and be cast out, then that would be a great option - but reality is, I do not know. I can hope and pray all I want to, but it is ultimately her decisions that will determine this, and she is a child... falling is inevitable - how severe the fall will be is what I am not sure of..
She is involved in sports, so that is a plus - but the bottom line is that there can be trouble there too... It is like I am realizing that there is no "safe place" for her (besides home), and what middle schooler do you know that wants to be home all the time? In a way, that is unhealthy as well!
Of course, I will cover her in prayer every day, as I have since the day she was born... yet again, reality is that her choices will alter her life and that scares me to death!
There are so many things that I know now, that I did not know in middle school, or even high school - my parents were amazing and taught me all of the right things, tried to guide me to make all the right choices and stand for the right things, most of which I did, but not always. I was lucky enough to get through those years without many scares, and I am aware now that much of that was the guidance from not only my parents, but good Christian teachers and being in a Christian environment Monday - Friday, 8 hours a day. She does not have that, and all of this horrifies me!
There are so many things that I want her to know, things about herself, about others, and just about life. I want her to know, not just be aware of, but really know... I want her to know that no matter what she does, what mistakes she makes, that home is safe. Obviously, this is something that we have strived to show her over the years, this is not something that can be taught. So I wonder, have I shown her that? Does she really know that she is loved and will always be loved forever by her dad and I, no matter what? Because you hear the stories of girls who just get mixed up with the wrong friend, or the wrong boy - their brains melt and everything that their parents worked so hard to establish just disappear. How do I prevent this? I am very involved in my children's lives, heck, my oldest son is 19 and I am still very involved in his whereabouts, who he is with and what he is doing - this is because he loves me and does not want to be the reason I die of a heart attack, so he keeps me informed. :) I can look at him and see that we did do the right things as his parents, I see that he has turned out just about perfect and I am so proud of the young man that he has become. Yes, I know that my husband and I can take credit for that, and so I should just repeat with her, the things I did with him, because he turned out great! Except for one small detail: she's a GIRL! Girls are so hard, they are so different than boys! Jordan was easy, he had hurdles to get over that she does not have, he had baggage that she does not have, and we helped him through it and he is amazing - so why do I drive myself crazy with worry?!? I guess because that is what mothers do...
Here is the letter I will give her before her first day of school - and this is just the beginning, I know... I just hope and pray that she listens, and believes me when I tell her these things...
To my dearest Kennedy,
Today you will start a brand new phase of your life - Middle School! Words cannot express to you just how proud I am of you and the talented, sweet, kind-hearted young lady that you have become. I know I tell you all the time, but when I prayed for a little girl, you are literally everything I asked God for, to the finest detail! I want you to know that the next 3 years are going to be a lot of fun, you are going to make new friends, your old friendships will grow stronger, and you will learn more each day about who you are as a person and who you want to become. Over the next 3 years you will also experience some unpleasant times. There will be times that your heart hurts so bad, you will think that you just cannot go on. There will be times that someone will make you so mad or angry that you think you just want to take them off this earth! ;) There will be times that you laugh so hard, you think you might explode; and times where you cry so hard that you run out of tears... During these next 3 years of your life, there are a few things that I want you to make sure you put in your heart, your brain, and anywhere else you can squeeze them so that you never forget!
1. Mom and dad love you no matter what. You WILL make mistakes, you WILL get in trouble sometimes - none of that changes anything! You are our God-send and we are going to love you and be here for you no matter what you do - no matter how horrible you think it is - come to us. We will help you, and you know that we will never hate you or judge you. We love you the way God loves us, and He loves and forgives and so do we. :)
2. You can trust me. Come to me with any questions, concerns or problems. I will not laugh at you, I will not tell all my friends. You can trust me, I will always be here for you.
3. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are worthy, you are incredible, you are enough! By enough, I mean that what you are is already amazing, you do not need to change who you are or what you are for anyone - ANYONE. Of course, you are beautiful on the outside, we hear it everywhere we go, there is no doubt there. Keep your inside beautiful. There will be a lot of opportunities to say or do ugly things, don't. Always love those that no one else loves. Never be too good to go sit with the outcast sometimes, it will make you even more beautiful on the inside. You have to be kind on purpose, you have to make the choice keep your heart beautiful, it does not just happen, you make it happen.
4. Study hard, play hard and keep your eyes on your goals.
5. Most importantly, you are our daughter, one of 5 people in this world that we would literally lay down our lives for - but more importantly than that, you are God's daughter, He already laid down His life for you - enough said! :)
As you embark on this new part of your life, make lots of memories, take lots of pictures and spend a lot of time with those that you love and with those who love you. You are going to do great, I cannot wait to see what God does with you and through you over these next few years. Keep your heart soft and believe in people - Papa K always told me "I'd rather believe in someone and be proven wrong, than to never believe in them and be right". Your friends will let you down, forgive them and move on. You are so talented in sports, music, theater, you name it, you can do it. Follow your dreams and go for your goals, no matter how many people tell you that they are impossible. You can become anything you want to become with hard work and perseverance. God gave you everything you need to be all that He made you to be. Pray a lot, ask Him for help making the right choices and making the right friends, let Him be your guide. That little tug you will feel in your heart to speak to that kid that you never speak to, just might be Him telling you to be that persons friend that day, never ignore those feelings. You never know when YOU will be the only reason someone feels special. Never judge or look down on anyone, if you do, it won't be long before others are looking down on you - you are not above making the same mistakes that others make, so stay humble and thankful for everything good in your life.
I love you baby, I am always here for you and I always will be. You are my entire world and I am so excited to watch you grow into this beautiful, amazing young lady that you are already becoming!!! Good luck today and HAVE FUN!!!!
Love you always and forever, no matter what,
Mom
So there it is.... it seems like it is lacking so much, but we will begin here and build on it throughout the year... (deep breath) So there it is, and here we go... I am betting it is going to be a wild ride and there will be a lot of dips and corners that we are not expecting - but in the end, I know that she will be ok. I know that God has his hand on her and I pray that he will keep his hand on me as I go through this with her, lol, I may need it more than her! haha! So here's to our first year of middle school with a daughter! Good luck to all my friends who are about to go through it with girls as well! ;) Much love to you all!
Until next time, xoxo
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